Confessions Of An Iconoclast

(One of my earliest works, never before posted in any public forum)

The sun shines through my chest, illuminating
the depths of my once sordid being
I live again, back from the hell,
where ignorance and darkness revel
Even as the skin, nourished,
Takes on the pallor, of one dead
I feel blessed for this redemption
Better as it seems, than ultimate salvation

Scars of forgotten wounds,
Linger on in my tortured flesh
Yet none do i notice,
Nor can they entice
Another as i,
willing to die
Uncared, unnamed, unnoticed
In these umpteen swamps,
that remain the dead man's paradise

Decimated as i was, for reasons beyond reason
Burnt away, in the twilight of treason,
my mortal frame
Born of the sea and a dying flame
Tampering as they did,
with the many prophecies of my birth
made long before,
in the days of distant yore

Death was but a portal
A solitary sojourn through vistas infinite
Of truth, of knowledge, of wisdom
For one such as I
Brought back to life, by the hands of the many,
Mendicants, of the undead
And in me lies, their eternal song

Only now do i comprehend,
its unfaltering, immortal tune
Its true nature hidden
within veils of mist and darkest cloud
are revealed to me now,
the force the life in me holds
The Force that binds the earth and the clouds
within the dark heart of man, a memory now lost to us
In hope to regain, i watch the stars
There is love left in them, love that lies afar

My rebirth seems cheerless
Without this mystic force,
and i search on, tireless, for its source
Deep within the facade of man
and beneath the many facets that ran,
seamless, with the rhythm of peace
I search for it in a moment's cheer
In hope and loss and wasted tears

But it never reveals,
To me its enduring seal
Branded upon, the many songs,
For which men come numberless, and throng,
near these altars of base pleasure
It never reveals
For i am loveless
A spectre, probing,
for what it lost, eons ago
For whim of man, dead or undead
Can never shake the eternal will,
The will of the so called 'Gods', who reign
Unencumbered, over this realm of pain

My passion reeks of remorseless sin
As i seek on, the futile object
Sifting through these eternal sands,
of man's ageless curiosity, i find
The remnants of my legacy,
Shattered, decaying shards of insanity

All's well, it seems
In this unending dream
And i realize my sole fallacy
To trust a force that never existed
Beyond faith, beyond confines of idle thought
None remain for me,
no masters, nor yet any disciples
To seek counsel, to spread ideals,
through the many unfathomable dying hearts
The path of this temptress saga, I know not
and in its end, i see
Yet another beginning

I end my words with but a pause
Rendering myself, for all but incapable
Of wry and uneasy, wanton loss
face though i must, these sultry promises
Made without faith
Yet eternally bound,
to a moment's misguided fate
I end what i see, a lifetime free,
From ties and amends,
And the many whims and lies
I end this senseless, impalpable misnomer
Legacy of the many uncharted voids of my mind
Now for once, i lay me down
To rest, to peace as unprecedented,
for me as this beautiful autumn breeze
All war's ended, the turmoil has burned away
Now all that's left, is to embrace,
the sun's illuminating, life giving rays
And to trod the rest,
of life's unforgiving way

The Only World

The Only World

A Place,

Where we are free

Where every measure of breath,

enlivens our heartbeats

Love would be the daylight,

and sadness, the night

A land where the sand meets the sea,

locked in eternal embrace

A sky without clouds,

but with silver linings abound

A land without war,

the soil, not yet scarred

A place locked away,

no, not from pain,

But from us, who would not learn

to love it

But would tear it apart, bit by bit

It is childish to say

we would even dream

Of such a place

But i did, so will you

one day

Murder Of My Soul(Written With Sneha)

I look down at my hands stained with blood

I killed my soul, i set it free

A soul which was once trapped within me

A murderer I was, I had killed my soul without cause.

We were one, my body and my soul,

and now i will never be whole

I am just a piece of flesh and blood now

A murderer, a tag from which i cannot escape,

a gaping hole which i cannot tape

With blood-shot eyes I stared at the boatman,

carrying my dead soul to the other side of the world

Alone i sat there, with half of my dead self

What good was a body without a soul

The dry blood on my hands reminding me,

that i was responsible for my own destiny

I'm sorry god, for i have sinned

Murdering my half, what was i thinking,

now my primitive body sinking

I shudder to think of living the rest of my life without a soul

no, i don't think my life will ever be whole

At any time, of day or night

There was within me, a light

Something that showed me the way

Something that kept the darkness sane

Now it's gone, i do not know what I've done

My work, my truth, my life, have been undone

Help me God, from the high heavens

I cannot walk so anymore, among my brethren

(Written In Collaboration With Sneha Murali)

On These Broken Roads I Stand And Seek(With Sneha)

On these broken roads I stand and seek

Too old anymore, to try and weep

What can i say?

I am a broken soul

I cannot stand anymore,

my broken home

so here i am,

on a broken road

Sitting atop, what would seem to be

a broken pole

Trying hard to take in,

the broken view

So hard to bring

my broken self to you

On my broken side, i turn to sleep,

counting a hundred half dead sheep

Then the pain torpedoes through me,

with such cliche

A million times a day,

It happens to me this way

I plunge into the icy escapade of a world

I'm broken, my heart's too

It's like someone, beat up my feelings black and blue

I wait to be picked up,

but i only lie there, wasting away,

as the sun goes up and down

Do i smile or frown?

Like sticks of dynamite on a railroad line

my broken self is placed in the centre

of the inferno that is not mine

Tell me

Do i self-destruct or waste time?

Love itself will not suffice,

to hold me together, my pain far worse

than before, tired of the same broken world

I was born in, i go

To places i do not really know

Stopping alone

To lie on the path, the broken now whole

To see my waking dreams, for once, bearing hope

I stand again,

on that broken road

For the time being,

all alone

I cannot go back,

to the life i have left

My love, my lies, my pain,

for now at rest

And so it ends

(Written in collaboration with Sneha Murali)

Forgive me

It has been so long
I have forgotten the words i said that day
Forgive me if i was wrong
In leaving you, for better trade
The roads i have followed since,
were rough, some not even there
I wish i could come back to you
But even if i tried to
things will not return
to the way they used to do
It is no more my concern
what happens to you
But sometimes i still wonder
whether you remember the days,
we spent together
Even if you do not, it is beyond
my right to blame,
for even i do not remember
those days now lost
in memory's lane
Forgive me love, for leaving you
It was a mistake, i swear i will not make,
again
But to reach back through time,
For your arms,
Would mean only mean more harm,
For us, forgive me, for deceiving you so
Even though
we have ended, i hope
someday, we will find a way
back to us,
When you can raise the burden
of my sin
Away from me
And even if we don't
forgive me

Shadows (Collaboration Between Me And Sneha Murali)

Shadows!
Born
Of The Light and Darkness
Watch me,
As I Sleep
They follow me,
into my dreams
But for some reason,
still unknown
They disappear,
As i enter,
the land of the waking
Even though its light,
some faint hope,
holds my hand
As i make,
my last stand
For even if i have woken,
from fitfull slumber
The dreams i saw,
will fade in number
Leaving me lost
between the real and the virtual
Unable to comprehend
what's fact and what's not

I lie in bed,
my face towards the wall
In a trance,
I catch myself before I fall
In front of me a silhouette,
coloured in with black
moving in flow to my body and my self
Shadows!
My wary dark counterpart,
staring at me, us both divided
by only one brick wall
Waiting for the brink of dawn,
when light rushes in,
bringing it to total annihilation
Shadows!
The distant fly buzzing above me,
appears to dance
with it's black clone
I must once again disown,
this trance and return
to reality
Where no clones shall follow,
with docile footsteps
into the newborn day

(We wrote it together, our views on shadows, children of the light and the darkness)

Beyond Time

That woman would love me, I guess
In some day I have long since forgotten
Love me, as I once could love her
Breaking the sarcophagus within which
I am encased
My future, was her past,
And our present,
Something time zones cannot define
Nor time itself, it is night here
And day there
Years later, yet years before
the happenings that would change
Both these lives of ours,
Breeding in uncertainty
My smoke is her incense
And her flashlight, my dim sun
Escaping night and day,
Into that crawlspace
Where both she and I Are one

In A City Without Lights

In a City
Without Lights
I walk
Hoping For Answers
to Come My way
None Do
Even So I Walk
Hoping For Something
To Carry me Away

I Look Up
The Sky Cries Grey
Tears Of Rain
Falling On My Face
My Face Upturned
Towards The Clouds
For I Know
She Suffers
My Pain Tonight
Dreams
Caught
Within The Amber Of Time
Come Back To Me
Tonight
However Close
My Reach Cannot Encompass

To Suffer So
I Cannot
Walk Alone
Anymore
Desperate
For Company
I Cry My Words
On Mouldy
Paper
Mad Beyond Raving
For Someone
To Hear My Voice
To See, To Feel
To Understand
The Tenderness
That has Left My Grasp
And The Insnanity
That Claims Its Place

The Road Ahead

Sometimes
Its Wise
To Simply know
That The Road Ahead
Will Lead You Home
Rather Than
Ask For Directions
Listen To The Sound
Of Lonely feet
Tapping For Us
The Way To go
However Long
Be The Journey
Each Step
We Take
Every Mistake
We make
Eases The Pain
We Feel
Within Our Beings
Momentary Upliftment
A Tender Joy
That Can Only Be Found
Wilst Moving
Through These
Difficult Paths We Take
Between Each Other